Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
