you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
