I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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