My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
