Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
