i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
