made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
