Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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