This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just googled if crying burns calories
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
