I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
