Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
