I've blown a few things in my day
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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