If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
