I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
