and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
