at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
