I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
