She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize