you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
