Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
