God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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