Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize