On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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