We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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