Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
