I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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