We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
