After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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