Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
