and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
