he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Randomize
