Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
