i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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