I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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