Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
