i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
