I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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