Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
