she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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