I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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