So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
