I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
