Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
