umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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