I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
