Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dignity is for republicans.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
