yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
