i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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