She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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