did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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