im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
