I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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