are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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