Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
