did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
