ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
