I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
