her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
