What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
