I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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