Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
