You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
