Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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