pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
