It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
