the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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