You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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