she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
