WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
