What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
